Attraction

…did I just smile at your text? Is this me? Am I this person? I really enjoy your company. The more we spend time together I find myself digging you. We seem compatible in many ways but aren’t we just friends. I mean, I’ve always believed that men and women can be friends but I was not expecting this. I’m with someone I love and you are to but here we are together…I should have paid attention to the warming signs. I thought I had control. I felt it growing but I did not stop. A casual call/text turned into “I can’t wait to see you.” I was curious. The fire excited me. I wanted your attention. Regular conversations came natural. The newness was refreshing. No baggage. No stress. No worries. The dynamics crescendo with a climax that lingered…

Why am I so attracted to you? Is it you or the idea of you? Is it the escape you provide? Would I be attracted to you if we dealt with life on a day to day basis? Should people have two – One for life and one for fantasy? Does life chase away passion? Would you want me if you really had me? Should I pursue this? How long can I keep this up? Will I keep this going? Can we really be friends…after? Should we?

Questions, logic, reality…none of this matter because we needed this. I needed this. When we kissed it felt right. When we touched I felt…Wow, I’m not thinking of mine. Are you thinking of yours? I feel that you are my type and I’m yours. I miss you when we are not together. What am I missing? Do I really know you? What would you do if I really needed you? Would you have my back? I guess right now is all I’m thinking about. I will deal with tomorrow and its consequences…later.

The Netherlands

…so I’m in a reflective mood. Thinking about my blessings. The phrase “every experience prepares you for the next” comes to mind. Today is September 12, 2009 and this evening I will perform with the 21st Century Band in Den Haag, NL for the Pure Jazz Festival – The Movement. Dion Parson and Ron Blake have been my mentors since I was a kid. I will be sharing the stage with them playing music that is a combination of all our experiences.

Since my arrival in Den Haag, folks have been extremely kind. Victor Provost and I were picked up from the Airport in Amsterdam yesterday and dropped off at the front door of our apartment. Yes, we have access to a beautiful two bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. It is the equivalent of staying in the village in NYC or living on U Street in Washington, DC.

When we got settled the owner of the apartment handed us his keys and said enjoy your stay. He is spending the weekend at his girlfriend’s house. We met the owner in NYC at our performance at Dizzy’s Club (jazz at Lincoln Center) and now we are staying at his house. We began our day acclimating ourselves with our surroundings. We were both exhausted because we watched movies all night on our eight hour flight from DC to Amsterdam. KLM Airlines had an amazing selection of movies, games, music, etc on your own personal entertainment system. Plus the food was good and I kept asking for more. They served Dinner, Breakfast and i had plenty of snacks throughout the flight.

Ok, back to exploring the city. Victor did not bring a coat so we decided we will walk around and see what they had on sale. The plan was find inexpensive jacket to hold him over. As we walked around we saw many folks riding their bikes. They would pull up to a quaint restaurant, sit down and socialize. The city is charming and clean. Trolleys, mopeds, bikes pass us on our search for a jacket and some food. We saw about four McDonalds, a KFC and H & M on our quest. Victor and I both agreed that we refuse to eat at McDonalds. McDonalds tastes better over seas but I love experiencing the culture/local food of any city I visit.

At this point, I’m beyond tired but I…MUST…STAY…UP…We walked into a little convenient store. Across the street from us there was an accordion street musician and two doors down a guy getting ready to play his electric guitar. SMH…We went into the store found some essentials and left despite the language barrier. We made our way back to the apartment, I practiced then took a short nap because rehearsal was scheduled for 2pm. At 1:30pm, we learned rehearsal was cancelled. More sleep? maybe a little but i was wired. We left the apartment and got some sandwiches from a local deli. The lady greeted us in Dutch “goedemorgen”, we replied in English and she switched to English automatically. This was our experience in many stores. I thought to myself, I have to learn another language.

Around 6:30pm the door bell rang. Our guide came to escort us to meet Reuben Rogers, Dion and Carlton Holmes for dinner (Ron was not at dinner due to responsibilities for Saturday Night Live in NYC). The promoter, his wife, their five month year old daughter and friends also joined us. We drank, ate and talked until 10pm. A few of us walked to a local jazz club after dinner. It was beautiful seeing folks from another country expressing their love and passion for jazz. At 11:30pm I was fried. Victor and I made our way back to the apartment. By the time my head hit the pillow I was out….

The Collaborative

…here is the story. I moved to the DC area in 1997 and was embraced
by the music community. Living in areas like Boston, MA, I was
pleasantly surprised by the hospitality of the musicians I met in the
DC area. Many became prominent artists on the local/national music
scene.

In 1998 I formed the Reginald Cyntje Group and began performing at
various establishments. As I gained respect in the community as a
performer, listeners would ask me to put together a group that
featured some of their favorite musicians. At the time I was 22 years
old and new to the DC area.
I wanted to understand the vibration of the city before I tried to change it.

I spent the next ten years growing, learning and touring with various
groups. In 2008 the opportunity was ripe for something new and I
embarked on the journey of establishing the DC Jazz Collaborative.
When a group of people come together for a common purpose success will
be a strong possibility. With this in mind, I made calls to
bandleaders, innovators and community activist and asked if they would
be interested in being a part of the Collaborative. Everyone said yes,
but I knew that they would be hesitant to act until they saw evidence
that this was going to be something real.

The idea was in my head, but the question was how do I make this a
reality? Well, I contacted the management at Bohemian Caverns and
explained the concept behind the group. Fortunate for me I already
began talking about the idea with the owner of the Caverns long before
I booked the gig. The owner at Bohemian Caverns agreed to give us a
weekend and provide the funds needed to finance a group of this size.
The gig was booked and Bohemian Caverns eventually listed us as the DC
Jazz Collaborative on their website.

I’ve always believed that strength came in numbers. I tried earlier
concepts of creating a collaborative effort. Each situation was a
learning experience. The key was finding a way to change the “me”
mentality among musicians into “we”.

Ok, back to making calls. “Hey cat, this is Reginald. Are you still
interested in being a part of the Collaborative… ” The calls went
out and there were scheduling problems up until the day of the
concerts. There were moments that I wanted to cancel the gig or just
do my own thing and avoid the stress. I knew if I did, I would be a
part of the problem. After booking a group of core musicians (knowing
it was subject to change), the promotions began. I knew how much the
club planned on investing so I wanted to use all resources to make
sure the concerts were a huge success. I reflected on the presidential
race and used that as model for how I would promote the event.

After explaining the concept to the musicians that this was going to
be a collaborative effort, I still knew that promotion from most would
be limited. I made a plan. Emails, text messages, facebook messages,
tweets, phone calls, faxes would go out at certain times every week.
This was going to be a systematic approach to packing the house.

After booking the gig at Bohemian Caverns, the info did not go online
right away. To many it seemed like I was promoting a phantom event.
Regardless, I was determined to work hard promoting. Levinson’s
“Guerrilla Marketing” along with other books and life experience
became my guide. Social Media (facebook, twitter, myspace, etc), in
addition to radio announcements, was a big help in getting the word
out. The twitter community did a fabulous job of retweeting the info
(thank you tweeps). The buzz was in the air and many were excited to
see who were the DC Jazz Collaborative. I received emails from
different people saying they were waiting on this group. Little did
they know it was difficult (and that is putting it lightly) getting
one rehearsal together.

The first concert for the DC Jazz Collaborative was packed. The mobile
reporters were out giving there assessment. Those that could not get
in to the first show waited for the second or came back the following
night. My phone was overflowing with texts from many that could not
get in. The Jazz community, folks from facebook and twitter came out
and told their friends they should be there. After each concert, the
audience waited around to see if we would perform more. There was
excitement in the room. I don’t think anyone knew what to expect. The
musicians were surprised by the response and felt that we had
something special.

The music was a combination of all our experiences. Jazz along with a
strong Caribbean vibe made our concerts fresh and exciting. Dats
right, we had to juke it up wit some calypso and reggae (island talk).
The group included steel pan, trumpet, trombone, tenor sax, piano,
bass and drums. When we finally got on stage, I was happy not to be
promoting and managing schedules. I relaxed and enjoyed the music that
was coming from the bandstand or at least tried to. There were issues
that came up right before shows and on the bandstand.

Scheduling rehearsals to present a high quality product to the
listeners, getting music from performers and dealing with last minute
cancellations made me question if I wanted to pursue a group of this
type. Will it really be a Collaborative? Will others book gigs for the
group? These are some of the questions I asked. When we sold out shows
and the audience left loving the music, the questions were not
important. The DC Jazz Collaborative became a reality.

The DC Jazz Collaborative began in 2008 as an effort to bring an
eclectic group of musicians together to create beautiful music. The
group contains innovators, community activist and elders who are all
influential in the DC Jazz Community. Since its inception, the group
has performed high energy infused music to sold out shows. The DC Jazz
Collaborative presents a fresh sound that inspires with each note.

NOTE: For more info on the DC Jazz Collaborative or The Reginald Cyntje Group call 202.495.0476

Be Yourself

The best advice I’ve received lately is “Be yourself not somebody else”. We all have our individual voices yet some are afraid to show their true self. The thing that makes us unique is our special take on life and love. 

As a musician, I spend countless hours listening to music. I really dig individuals that have strong personalities musically. Their sound stands out. I was never really attracted to those that were strong imitators. They were great musicians but they reminded me of someone else. Granted we all have to emulate then create, but many spend their lives emulating and making a career doing so. “Be yourself not somebody else” 

We all should seek guidance from great teachers so we can learn from others (what to do and what not to do), but guidance does not equate to spending our lives being professional copy cats. You have access to the ocean of unlimited consciousness. There is no need to be regurgitation. The divine inspiration is within you. Still your mind, steady your thought and open your heart. What is your message? What is the pulse coming from your heart beat? What is your purpose? 

Imagine that you are given a block of wood to create. Each day of life you have the opportunity to chip away at that piece of wood to reveal the beauty within; the masterpiece. Will you imitate someone else? Or will you create the work of art you are destined to be?

The Push and Pull

We are attracted to each other. After our first kiss we knew that we had a connection. I wonder…are we are going to play the game or will we remove the walls and grow without reservations?

When two people meet, they engage in the present and past. What about the future? They hope for a future but instantly activate wisdom. We obtain knowledge, then gain wisdom, but rarely go beyond. Wisdom is also based on a form of perception. What about living? The present is wonderful but they use the past experience as a guide. Wisdom, yes…but it also limits growth. Can we fully give ourselves and move forward and upward?

Most romance stories talk about the quest for love. We usually see the success but rarely pay attention to what it took to arrive there. A friend said that push and pull means “fighting against self, not being authentic in your feelings and actions…not feeling able…to act on your heart’s desires”. Why do we do this?

We continue talking and I let her know my dreams. I express that I really don’t want to play “the game” and if we can be open and honest without the fear of revealing. She seems open, but the resistance is there. The past is dictating. The stories from friends are dictating. I find myself giving in to the vicious cycle of the game.

Time passed and we are still wrapped up in the game of push and pull. I think to myself, can we move pass this?

The push and pull becomes a part of day to day life. I begin to see that some of us don’t ever stop fighting against our self. We take that fight to other aspects of our lives and create this unsure push and pull game.

Here is a concept. If you like someone, say it. If you have a dream, fulfill it. Be bold, fearless and sincere in your actions.

Imagination

I sit in the library nervous that I am about to take a standardized test. Why? I don’t know. Test taking skills are discussed prior to testing. Ok, here we go “Reading Comprehension”…I begin reading the story for the test and my mind wonders. I start creating back stories for the story that I read. The characters begin to develop and different endings pop into my head. The question is asked at the end of the story and I waste time thinking “What answer do they want” because I can see so many scenarios from this story in my mind. How do I explain a vivid imagination?

As a kid I would walk into a dark room and I become frightened and excited. Everything in the room would take on new shape and I sensed a presence that was not there during the day or with the light on at night. The mysticism of the unknown intrigued me.

I enjoy going to the beach, the clear blue skies. Blue inviting ocean water so clear you can see 5, 10, 15 ft below. The way the treasures in the sand feel at my feet. The ocean breeze on my face while swimming and listening to the meditative sound of water splashing, waves flowing, laughter and music. Under water again fishes swim by my face. I try to see where they went but they disappeared as I reached for one. This ocean is vast, unlimited, humbling. I am receiving pleasure in this healing source and resting place for lives lost. My mind wonders about triumphs and tribulations experienced in the ocean.

I step on stage. We play the melody and now it is time for the spontaneous composition/improvisation. I have spent hours practicing. I know different melodic phrases that will work. My mind is racing. The tenor sax player just took an amazing solo, now the trumpet player is playing. I am anxious. Then I remember a mentor saying “Still your mind” and I did. I began feeling the vibration in the room. The smell, the music, the atmosphere, the people, the horn…My body moves from side to side. My eyes closed. I feel high, inspired. There is something/someone that places the horn to my mouth. When my turn came, I let all my senses take over. My imagination creates beauty. The audience loved it.

When I am imaginative my improvised solos inspire when I am not they might just impress.

There is nothing new under the sun just different perceptions throughout time. My personal discoveries make my life exciting. The possibilities become endless with my imagination. Life exists in all things with a vivid imagination. Love creates harmony, which manifest beauty. Can you see it?

The Meeting

…my eyes met hers and our souls connected before we expressed words. I didn’t know her name but I knew her. Her spirit. I asked a friend a question and he replies but I don’t think I heard anything he said because I was mesmorized by her presence. She wasn’t wearing anything revealing. She didn’t need to because there was something about her that drew me in. Her charisma? Her energy?

She was beautiful. Her inner spirit shined through everything she did. Her walk…confident and self assured. Her smile…sincere. Her eyes were filled with that thing that makes you say ‘I Do’, ‘I Will’, ‘I Must’. She had beautiful eyes but I was more interested in what they revealed about her soul.

It was weeks before we exchanged numbers. We saw each other periodically and laughed in the company of others. One day we exchanged info, once we did we talked constantly. I was delighted with her intellect, her passion, her dreams, her voice, her style. We connected. We shared. We revealed the good and bad of our past. We consoled and uplifted each other as stories were told.

Our dreams were expressed. It is said that if you listen closely, you can learn a lot about a person in the first five minutes of conversation. I listened! I learned more than could be imagined. I enjoyed her beautiful spirit. Her smile melted my heart.

Sometimes people put their best foot forward. They put on a show until you see the real person after the newness has past. She was herself. No show. No game…So refreshing. She was real with no artificial flavoring and that made her sexy. Her flavor? Sincerity!

There was no fad about her. She wasn’t trying to be someone else. She was comfortable with herself. I listened to her talk about her love for people and how she wanted to help society. What she thought about family and relationships was articulated with finesse. She learned from her mistakes and embraced the future. She was a light spirit living a human life.

One night, the kiss…lovers of past lives connect deeply because the souls remember. When we kissed, our embrace felt familiar and new. I felt her soul smile. The more we kissed the more I wanted to kiss her. I squeezed her gently and it felt like she did the same. I was lost in her ocean of beauty, promise, excitement, passion, experience. We knew what we wanted to do but didn’t. We said… Good Night.

The Trombone? Why?

“Cyntje, why you pick the trombone? You should have played saxophone.” My answer is the trombone picked me.

At my elementary school in Savan (St. Thomas, USVI), I was walking towards the cafeteria and saw this six grader demonstrating a funny looking instrument in his music class. I did not know the name but I liked the way it looked.

When I got home from school, Randy, Chip, Ricky, Kevin, OJ and myself played outside everyday. We would run up the hill barefoot because we felt shoes slowed us down. One day we were hanging out at Chip’s house and he had a funny looking instrument. His older brother played that instrument in “Imagination Brass” (a local calypso band in St. Thomas). Chip let me try his instrument. He said it was called the trombone. It was fun to try. I liked it.

Jason, my cousin, also had a trombone. He started learning in elementary school. My elementary school did not have a band program so…I had fun with a recorder.

After graduating from elementary school, I was ready to attend junior high with all my friends but “they” found out we lived in the “country” and transferred me and my sister to “country school”. We had neighborhood friends that attended Bertha but most of our school friends were going to school “In-Town”. Lol…

WOW, I am now a seventh grader in a school with people I don’t know. I am catching the bus to school now. WOW I got up early. Correction, my father woke me up. I took a shower and got dressed to get to the bus stop in time to catch the bus. “Andy, get up and get ready. I don’t want you to miss the bus”. My father said this until I woke up on my own. If I missed the bus, he would drop me to school or to “four winds” to catch another bus.

I got my schedule for the school year and saw I had different classes in different places. 7 different periods…Very new to me. The first thing on my schedule, Band. Huh? Band? What? I was in beginning band. After weeks of theory the time came to pick the instrument. The girls in my class went towards flutes and clarinets. The boys in the class picked trumpet, saxophone and drums. My turn came and I saw the choices and picked the trombone. In my class there were two trombone players one girl and me…I felt the instrument call me plus it kept reappearing since I was a kid in elementary school.

The quest to learn began. I practiced and practiced. Mr. Arri my first band director guided me through the basics. At the end of the school year, Mr. Arri talked with me and my parents about attending a summer band program. They agreed and I was excited. I did not have a personal instrument so I borrowed my cousin’s until my parents bought me a used one. My cousin lost interest in the trombone by this point.

It was the summer of 1988 and I was about to learn and study with Dr. Leroy Trotman. He was the island’s trombone teacher. Many great trombone players from St. Thomas studied with Dr. Trotman. I had no idea who he was but I was taking in all the info he provided. I practiced daily. At that summer program, Dr. Trotman introduced me to Dion Parson. “Andy, this is Mr. Dion Parson. He use to play trombone.” Dion replies humorously, “Yeah I use to play trombone but I switch to drums because it was too hard”. Dion Parson is the drummer and leader of “The 21st Century Band”

When the summer program was over, Dr. Trotman spoke with my parents about me continuing to study the trombone. They agreed and now I had a private instructor and my parents did not have to pay a dime. WOW!

Eight grade came around and I was sitting at the last seat in Advance band. I practiced everyday and in a few weeks I was sitting next to the schools best trombonist. Everyone was shocked and I was serious.

The trombone picked me and our journey together began. I felt a connection to the sound of the instrument. It quickly became my voice. Music allowed me to instantly express a plethora of emotions without saying a word. A useful therapeutic tool.

Why I Write

It is funny. I post a link to my blog and someone replies “I look forward to hearing your song. I know it will inspire.” Yes I know I am a musician, but I write so someone can take away a message from my posting.

Music is fulfilling but we all have our individual taste in music. When I write, you can dislike the music I dig and still receive something from the posting. I compose tone poems. Listening you might be able to pick up on the meaning of the song. When you read my blog, I can give you more insight.

When I write words, the message is clear. It also allows you to understand the tone poems a little better. It helps you see my thought process. Because of the messages I post on twitter, facebook, myspace or in emails, I receive messages from many people talking about personal events in their life. As articulated in “A Happy New Year Letter”, I offer a little of my experience to inspire someone else.

I write because I have a story like you. I got divorced at a young age. I am a father. I have been hurt and have hurt someone. I have experienced infidelity and have been unfaithful. I write because my life is not simple. I have experienced celibacy, a monogamous relationship and a polygamous one. I have heard horrific stories and experienced some. I write because I have struggled and enjoyed the finer things in life. I write because I am a imperfect human like you.

I understand that some people post personal info. In each blog you find a little of me and you. I mix lessons I have learned from elders, books and personal experiences to tell a story. The story is you, me and our community.

I hope you enjoy the postings and be sure to leave a comment.

The Marriage, The Relationship

“Good morning” she says. I reply, “Good morning”. Here we are the passion absent. The problem hangs over us like a thunder cloud. I want to ask “Why are we here? What are we doing” but I don’t. We sleep at far corners of the bed or in separate rooms. The talk of bills is the first thing expressed in the morning. Spooning? no. Cuddling? no. On Monday I dreamed about my parents marital difficulties then awoke and wrote about something else. I thought L-O-V-E conquered all. Shouldn’t it?

I read tons of relationship books yet I am in the middle of this…Maybe I was off the mark and did not want to notice the problems a long time ago. Maybe signs were apparent before we got married and I should not have… Maybe I thought it would get better. Shit, we loved each other right?!? As I lay in bed memories of better days flash before my eyes accompanied by an array of emotions. I am left feeling numb…

I begin talking to elders. Seeking counsel is always good. It is revealed that their relationship is not perfect; filled with hardship, infidelity, periods of no passion, etc. I guess a 40 year old relationship is bound to have issues. Then I begin to hear stories of people having a wonderful relationship and at the 5, 10 or 15 year mark they start thinking of divorce. Some stay together and one or both are out having an affair as a way to fulfill that missing energy in their marriage. These affairs are not always sexual but frequent. Is this what you should do? People don’t talk about this but it is a reality for many. Women and men are seeking relationships outside their marriages. The more people I talk to the more the stories are the same. From religious leaders to teachers, men and women of varying spirituality and education are having marital issues.

So, I seek counsel from experts. As I meet these individuals I wonder, how can they give relationship advice when they are having their own problems? I quickly realize the answer is within. Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis came up with a formula that worked for them. Many of the folks that I talked to did the same. The fantasy of marriage was disappearing and the reality was setting in. The question is: What do I want for me?

What do I want for me? I humble myself daily thinking about things I need to work on to make me a better person. Maybe I suck at relationships…Maybe my mistakes created this reality…Maybe I am to blame…My mother always said if you point a finger, four are pointing back at you. My response was to point my whole hand.

So based on my research and counsel, I have to consider options. Work things out? I have talked and tried different ways of communicating my concerns. Infidelity? Well that creates more issues. Some have affairs and never tell their mates. They say the affair helps them with the marriage. Maybe it does, but what about the other person that develops feelings? They fantasize about a life with you that will never be because you are married. Open marriage? Hmmm, the questions keep coming. What about your vows? The concept of modern day marriage is new and we suck at it. Many alter those vows as they go through life. The only thing that stays true is for better or worse. It is quickly becoming until divorce do us part. Birth control changes the dynamics of modern day relationships. The bottom line: I have to be happy. She has to be happy. Are we happy? Do we want this to work? Was I taken for granted? Did I take her for granted? Is this the end?

Our energy levels are different. We work well together with some things and others not so much. Do I respect her career? Does she respect mine? There are so many factors to consider. What to do? How to proceed? She is not unkind…That is the next thing I learned when I spoke with elders. The problems are not always big. Some people just grow apart.

Some couples stay together for the kids, but the kids sense the divide. Some couples stay together for finances, convenience, social status, etc. Do I want to stay? Does she? Has it been over for years and we are just going through the motions? The questions keep coming. Have we lost our patience in relationships as a community that we no longer can deal with the trials and tribulations?

What do I want to do and how will I do it? Hmmm…balance my life that I may know and act right.

Is this story about you or someone you know?