Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | May 13, 2009

Love and Relationships

I wrote this on March 31, 2007
Love and Relationships:

Since I was a kid I’ve always been mystified with this word and its meaning. Love! L-O-V-E! I knew I love my sisters, my parents, and close family members, but when it came to boy and girl relationships the word seem to take on a new meaning (Forever seem more like for the moment). I would meet someone and after spending time and getting close I would swear that I loved this girl. I would say I love you and she would say I love you too baby. We would be boyfriend and girlfriend and sometimes (in the more serious unions) we talked about the future (future kids, their names, where we were going to live, etc). After some time (usually not that long) she or I would do something stupid or inconsiderate and we would break up. Then, after the recovery period, I began the dance again with someone new.

This process begins to get old quick. Sharing yourself is something special. I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life sharing my thoughts, secrets, love, dreams, and life with different people. Every time you leave a piece of yourself behind. Before you know it you have nothing left to give. I am loving, but not that DAMN loving. LOL

At each stage in life, those three little words (I love you) felt true. I swore I meant it when I was a kid like I swore I meant it when I was a young adult. As I matured, I looked at the bond I had with my family. The love we shared was unconditional. The trick was transferring this concept to my intimate relationship. What does it mean to love someone unconditionally? I must admit that at times my “I love you” did not mean that at all, it was more like I dig you (your style, your walk, your mind, your looks). When I finally figured it out for me, I realized that the important thing was to treat someone like I wanted to be treated. No one wants anyone to play games with their feelings, no one wants to give of themselves to find out it was a waste of their time. First I had to make sure that I had an understanding of love then transfer that understanding to a relationship. I had to understand the nuances of love. Anything that develops into something great and long lasting takes time, commitment, love, and sometimes a little compromise, definitely patience, forgiveness, honesty, communication, and the list goes on and on. It takes whatever your relationship needs at the time. I will never give up on love because there is no greater feeling on earth.

Our microwave generation…little to no patience, but I believe there is hope. People are beginning to understand that everything cannot be quick and easy. It takes time for a flower to grow. It takes time for a baby to develop into an adult. It takes time for a musician to become an artist. And it takes time for love. Along with patience, nurturing is needed to create growth in any relationship. Try giving 100% in your relationship and see what happens. Keep your friends out of it! Remember your friends are on your level. They cannot offer anything more than support. If you want relationship advice, seek it from someone who is in a long term relationship (grandparents, parents, or elders in your community) or a professional. Ask them how they did it? What are their secrets? Everyone knows what works for them. Don’t make excuses for trifling behavior and have a wonderful time loving your special someone. Take a trip to the Caribbean and make love spiritually, emotionally, and then physically. I wish you success in love and life. Peace!



  1. Great post! Sounds like you’ve got it figured out. Love is action.

  2. Several great points here. Nice post.

    Love has always been action for me. Words are nice but how are you expressing that love you say you have for me. I can safely say I know what it doesn’t look like!

    I love the microwave analogy. I always tell a man that I’m not interested in a microwave relationship. I want him to take the time to know what he’s getting himself into! LOL! And vice versa. See all of me, good, bad and downright trifling. Can you deal with it and love me in spite of….and tell me I’m trifling (in a loving way of course!)? LOL!

    I never solicit advice from lonely, single folks. What do they know? I want to hear from those that have been in the trenches for years working at this JOB on the daily.

    Take a trip to the Caribbean. Here here! That is non-negotiable. LOL!

  3. Deep & eloquently said…can tell u’ve spent a lot of time going over the subject in ur mind…more ppl need to do the same.

  4. Well, damn. Just lay it on out there, LOL. That was beautiful and a great guide for love & relationships.

    Always refreshing to see a man embracing the topic and able to, actually, express emotion.

    You did that, Reg…very nicely 😉
    NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST 😉

  5. Love is awesome…microwaved or otherwise LOL…just kidding, cyntje! I’m all about taking my time…okay I can’t even say that with a straight face. Not as mature as you, babe

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