Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | June 10, 2009

The Push and Pull

We are attracted to each other. After our first kiss we knew that we had a connection. I wonder…are we are going to play the game or will we remove the walls and grow without reservations?

When two people meet, they engage in the present and past. What about the future? They hope for a future but instantly activate wisdom. We obtain knowledge, then gain wisdom, but rarely go beyond. Wisdom is also based on a form of perception. What about living? The present is wonderful but they use the past experience as a guide. Wisdom, yes…but it also limits growth. Can we fully give ourselves and move forward and upward?

Most romance stories talk about the quest for love. We usually see the success but rarely pay attention to what it took to arrive there. A friend said that push and pull means “fighting against self, not being authentic in your feelings and actions…not feeling able…to act on your heart’s desires”. Why do we do this?

We continue talking and I let her know my dreams. I express that I really don’t want to play “the game” and if we can be open and honest without the fear of revealing. She seems open, but the resistance is there. The past is dictating. The stories from friends are dictating. I find myself giving in to the vicious cycle of the game.

Time passed and we are still wrapped up in the game of push and pull. I think to myself, can we move pass this?

The push and pull becomes a part of day to day life. I begin to see that some of us don’t ever stop fighting against our self. We take that fight to other aspects of our lives and create this unsure push and pull game.

Here is a concept. If you like someone, say it. If you have a dream, fulfill it. Be bold, fearless and sincere in your actions.



  1. Hmmm, interesting. Games are tiring and make me suspicious…

    • i think that you are afraid to accept the fact someone, other than your immediate family, loves you unconditionally. man up and face your help/soulmate. shit or get off the pot. love until the end of time. as far as the goals…you can only do what you have the strength to do. if you need help, God will send an angel, for real. do not be selfish with your talent, love, body, mind or soul. don’t be like a scared pussy cat. put your hot ass feet in the ocean…LOL

  2. Reginald, I say it all the time… you are an amazing writer. You are submitting these posts for publication I hope.

    Ok, here’s my two cents… It’s called the “game of love” for a reason and when two hearts meet, whether they like it or not… the game has begun. Why do couples cringe when they say “we’re playing games”? All games aren’t bad. I love to play card games, I golf (well, I use to), and at times I even enjoy playing board games (although I am way too competitive). Games of the heart, however, can heal or wound depending on the intent. I’ve blogged about my struggle with the “push and pull” of the male and female energy but you inspired me to write about the “push and pull” of a relationship I have with someone I like very much and miss even more.

    Thanks for the inspiration and for sharing your talents!

  3. Fascinating post. Maybe the push pull isn’t all about playing the game in the most negative sense. Maybe it’s a discovery process – not only about the other person but about one’s self and about the process of coming together. I think it can be about not being real but I’m not always sure what that means. Maybe being real is being in a place you’re not sure of and it’s as much a dance as a game. Nice post.

  4. Proverbs 4:24 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

    One of my friends and I had this conversation last year. I specifically told her that I was very careful with my heart and she thought I was crazy. Musicians tend to be very open with their emotions and we get in a cycle of love addiction. We get addicted to the emotional high of sharing but then sharing becomes less valuable when we do it with everyone.

    As Maya Angelou once said “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man would have to seek God first to find her.’

    I tried the whole sharing my heart thing and my heart got ripped out like I was that sacrifice to Kali in Indiana Jones
    I’m not bitter though I just know better. I embraced the lesson. Like I told another friend Newton’s law comes into play when we are creating a relationship. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. The more a man seeks a woman, the harder the man will let go. The bigger the chase, the harder it is for another man to steal that woman’s heart from you, because you are natural hunters who don’t like people stealing the treasures of your hard fought battles.

    And so it is with sex. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If everybody had the right to worship in my temple it wouldn’t be an exclusive club, lol.

    If you love yourself and value yourself you are not going to let anyone just possess it. Proverbs 31:10
    A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

    I would say this is also true for a husband. A husband’s emotions and feelings are like a precious jewel. My other friend Aqeel explained that woman was taken from a man’s rib in order to protect his heart and that a man thus protects a woman with his arms so that she can do his job.

    When I love a man I protect his heart with all diligence with prayer and wisdom. Unfortunately for me I haven’t found a man that can protect me with his arms, because they do not know the ways of an ungodly woman.

    Proverbs 7

    I saw among the simple,
    I noticed among the young men,
    a youth who lacked judgment.

    8 He was going down the street near her corner,
    walking along in the direction of her house

    9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
    as the dark of night set in.

    10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
    dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

    11 (She is loud and defiant,
    her feet never stay at home;

    12 now in the street, now in the squares,
    at every corner she lurks.)

    13 She took hold of him and kissed him
    and with a brazen face she said:

    14 “I have fellowship offerings [a] at home;
    today I fulfilled my vows.

    15 So I came out to meet you;
    I looked for you and have found you!

    In contrast:

    Proverbs 31:30
    Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

    If a woman doesn’t fear God, she will most certainly not respect you or your feelings I believe. You are an attractive man who will attract alot of chicken heads that want you only as a trophy. You’ve mentioned that you have been cheated on. So, unless you are into emotional S&M and enjoy tasting another man in your woman’s mouth, I would say you need to evaluate your partners carefully. Some people are just in love with being in love and don’t have what it takes to stick it out over the long run. As soon as the emotional high of infatuation is over they jet, looking for the next person to get high with. To me true love waits and is allowed to blossom. It is a precious fruit that must go through all seasons spring summer fall and winter. Seasons of love. Be patient if you want true love, other wise you are going to get hurt over and over again.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    4Love is PATIENT, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  5. Oh let me tell you a specific example of why don’t put your heart out there, especially when you are going through a divorce. Your all hurt and needy and will mess with anyone. This is REALLY dangerous for women. I have had like 2 proposals and I am not even divorced yet. Dudes love to talk to me, I am very open and honest and I don’t play games. But some people don’t know themselves and the definition of what a relationship should be and what loves is about personal values. Early this year this beautiful Morehouse man won my heart and told me that I needed a good man in my life. Yet again like my ex husband he was good on paper, a future lawyer, stock broker captain in the marine corp, former stripper with a body of a god.

    But most black men are completely clueless about romance or maybe I am complicated. I am an artist, pretty things are nice but that is not romantic. I dig Braveheart stuff.Greeks knew about romance and love. I want a warrior poet who can kindle my heart with words AND action. I HATE it when guys do cliche’ crap or simply forget important dates all together. So it was with this beautiful Morehouse Man and my ex husband. They talked all year long about how much they loved me, but either I got some stale candy on V-day or nothing at all. Oh but my white boyfriends, they would make me mix tapes of special songs that they knew I would like or write me poem. These are personal gifts not cliche crap that ANY woman would is supposed to like. INTIMACY is In to me see. So I wasted all this emotional energy on knuckle heads who didn’t pay attention to me at all. But that is me also, because I wasnt always true to what I wanted. My ex totally didnt know my passion for music. He focused only what I could do for him. I remember when I knew it was the beginning of the end. When Christmas I had carefully picked out gifts for him, searched on Ebay for limited edition Cowboys wrapping paper or something from his country. I put everything underneath the tree Christmas eve and noticed there wasn’t one present for me. 10 years of putting him through medical school traveling the globe learning everything about his country and not one damn Christmas present when he was finally making six figures. For 9 years we had NOTHING. I was like Bob Marley the comfort of our single bed was fine as long as we were ride or die until the end.

    I love VERY hard. In fact it is a problem with Cancers because we cling to hard with our crabby claws to very bad yuky people. I protect my heart also because as passionately as I love is as passionately as my anger burns. I dont like hurting people, I take no joy in using words to tear down people I promise to love. For me to hurt someone I love in anyway is a failure on my part. There are enough people outside trying to tear people down, a person should find peace in serenity in their home especially when you are highly successful clawing to the top. It takes ALOT to tick me off, but when you do, WOW. My tongue can make a person feel like king of the world but it can also cut you to shreds, bcuz I can talk trash with the best of them.

    So I would say my hard shell is really more to protect other people because damn if I am going to love you hard I hope you would look out for me and at least buy me a decent Christmas gift you greedy bastard.

  6. Sorry oh wise one I am a spoon fed sheep, because I know the good the Sheppard, LOL. I know you dig words of wisdom and alas I have none of my own to give, because I am not as creative as you. Unfortunately I can only plagiarize, because I am very ignorant. Maybe one day I will be on your level and spit zen like sayings that titillate itching ears. But for now perhaps you like these.

    Ecclesiastes 1:18
    “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.”
    James 3:17-18
    ” But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
    Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”
    Galatians 5:22″
    “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”

  7. this is so me. i left games in jr. high. be honest, up front, real, and true to yourself and your feelings. it takes real courage to open yourself up to vulnerability in uncharted waters. many take alowing yourself to be vulnerable in your feelings as weakness. on the contrary, it is a mark of strength. more importantly, it is a mark of freedom…a sign of a well grounded, and free spirit…fearless in the face of love.

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