Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | January 11, 2010

My Fear…My Strength

I look into their eyes and I pray I will be more than enough. I pray I will keep learning so I can answer their questions. I pray that if I don’t know I will guide them in the right direction.

Nothing scares me more than being a father. When I travel, I pray nothing happens to me so I can be there as they grow. I actually get nervous in the plane, bus or train when I leave them behind. Messing up seems larger since they depend on me. I wonder do they know.

I remember supporting their heads when they were infants now they jump on mine. I remember changing their diapers now they close the door and say “I’ll call you when I’m finish.” Do you know that I’m scared?

The fear guides me to protect them. My ears are extra sensitive as we cross the street. Extra sensitive as they play. I want to see them become men and live fruitful lives.

They make me stronger. I remember being in training running at zero dark thirty in the freezing cold rain. I was exhausted because I woke up extra early to clean the room for inspection. I ran, my legs were about to give out, then I called their names. I instantly felt stronger. I began to run faster. They were my strength.

I love the both of you. As you grow, you inspire me to be a better man, father. Thank you.


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