Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | January 29, 2010

The Virtuous Woman

“Brother, why are you upset?” He looked at me and replied “she cheated.”

I was silent for a moment then I asked “What did you expect? Don’t you think she deserves a pass considering how many times you’ve been out there?”

I think I pissed him off. He continued “I trusted her. I know I haven’t been honest before but I could always count on her word. Why would she do this?”

I smiled, “listen, don’t you think you hurt her deeply? She has been faithful for this long. This probably was an escape. A release. I know you are upset but isn’t that your ego?”

He was heated at this point but he exhaled. I think he was picturing her with this other guy. He forgot all about his exploits and placed impossible expectations on her. I wonder if men view infidelity different or is it our society?

Do men and women have different standards when it comes to fidelity? Are women expected not to be adventurous? Or, are women more slick with their extra activities?

In a chauvinistic society women seem to receive more scrutiny when it comes to matters of the heart. Do we expect women to be forgiving but not forgive them when they make mistakes?

Do we have a virtuous woman complex? This type of woman can be found in different forms of faith based organizations. The attributes of this ‘rare ruby’ are considered what many women should strive for. What should men strive for? Is there a double standard?

We are all spiritual beings living a very human existence. We have desires and feelings. The complexity of interpersonal relationships require time, love, compassion, trust, respect and forgiveness. Are women required to give more?



  1. To an extent there is appears to be a double standard but that is only because at the very essence men & women are different so when you try to judge/evaluate them with the same set of criteria you may receive different outcomes.

    Personally, I feel it is more in a man’s nature than in a woman’s nature to cheat. That’s not to say that’s an absolute & that all/either or some cheat more, better, etc.

    Its to say that the nature of a man will allow him to cheat in a way that a woman’s nature typically does not. A woman has to learn or be driven to cheat in a way that a man does not.

    Take from that whatever you will but I hold it to be a basic truth in why men and women are the way they are naturally.

    When we get to the bare bones reasons for cheating (which are numerous) there are distinct differences between the sexes. Women are security based creatures and that adventurous excitement type of logical isn’t really part of the normal woman’s equation.

    Men are hunters, gathers, conquerors.

    Women are nurturers, nesters, protectors.

    Fidelity or lack thereof is either ingrained w/in you or not. I don’t particularly believe its prevalent in one gender because its a mental thing based on beliefs, etc.

    I don’t think that women are required to give more but once again based on our differences we tend to give more so we set the bar for that expectation to exist.

    (*sorry for being all over the place & my time on limited to expound but I could write a book on my thoughts of these types of things…)

    ~peace & blessings~

  2. If you look at how society is conditioned from historical perspective, I think some of it does come down to basic primordial biology. A man doesn’t want to raise and take care of someone elses child. There is no double standard really because a man can’t get pregnant. The consequences of having sex are much more weighty for a woman and therefore she has had to give alot more consideration to who the sexual partner is. On some level Feminist Movement changed all that.

    I guess what has always puzzled me is why do women allow their men to cheat ? I have always been what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you are truly one with a person spiritually how can you not tell they are cheating ? I think anyone who allows their spouse to habitually cheat with no consequences is generally controlled by fear and the cheater is being very abusive. I think it takes alot of courage to admit that you don’t have what it takes to make the relationship work and give the other person the release to find someone who can sincerely love them.

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