Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | August 3, 2010


He said she said we grew apart…

One of the most important foundations of community is the family. The internal and external systems that teach us moral, spiritual and social values. The mother teaches the daughter and the father teaches the son.

We learn respect for self and others from this ancient institution. Love? Responsibility. At one point partners were chosen with prayer, meditation, rituals and guidance from elders to ensure strength, stability and stamina to survive the ups and downs of life. What happened?

There are still strong families but they are becoming a rarity in our society of growing adolescent issues. Adults are saying “I want to be happy. I must live my life.” But should temporary happiness destroy the fabric that bonds the home? What about friendship?

When discussed, the couples in most 40 to 60 year marriages talk about the ups and downs. When one was weak the other was strong. They speak about the moments when both were strong. It seems that fewer people are learning from the wisdom of elders and are making up their own rules or they never had the opportunity to properly learn the rules because they never had a family.

The complexities of family must be navigated by individuals willing to learn. Friendship and respect are at the beginning of any true relationship and should remain for the life of that relationship. Also, if people connect and have children they should realize that they have a great responsibility. Why? Children are forever…

Many societal issues can be traced back to a poor family life. Though some rise above the dilapidated constructs of home life most give in to the poison. If parents (guardians) are the first teachers, why do many not take responsibility for the task at hand? Daughters looking to fathers for examples of real men. Sons looking to mothers for what a woman should be. But as parents, have we lost our minds in the choices we make?

Love? What about love? What about happiness? What about family? What about future? People take a test to become a cashier at the grocery store but anyone can be a parent. The law offers very limited protection to the child who suffers from parental ignorance. There are millions of books written on parenting. Most will pick up a cook book and read how to make their favorite dish instead of reading how to nurture a child.

How did we get here? How did some become so selfish that they can’t see how their actions affect others? Yes a parent deserves love, compassion and happiness. But a parent must still always realize their responsibility. The truth guides us even when we stray, but when we refuse to see reality we are forever lost.

There are many variations of family. When love no longer lives between parents the respect and friendship should remain. Offspring of all ages can be affected by the mishandling of affairs. Can we be humble and live in community? What about divine intervention?

Do you remember when we respected family? Do you remember a time where we knew the code and honored it? Do you remember when men treated women like Queens and women treated men like Kings? We have lost touch with the true meaning of family. How can we regain the respect and dignity we have lost? Let us re-educate ourselves on what it means to love, forgive and rebuild our community starting with our home.



  1. I think our hypersexualized society has contributed to alot of this. We obess about connecting with people on a physical level but never teach how to connect on an emotional or spiritual level. I recently have noticed so many people get married for the wrong reasons. I listen to stories of elderly couples who have lasted. They were truly in love. No biological clock ticking, no shotgun weddings. They truly courted each other first. Got to know each others families, friends, one another before rubbing a whole lot of flesh. Today we know each others favorite sexual position before we know position on child rearing, finances or religion. Since we all read Cosmo or porn we know how to satisfy each other so well physically we think thats love or the foundation of a relationship that we negate the hard questions. Plus with so many transient people, though we look the same we are not socialized the same any more. So words mean different things to different people. Family to someone from an urban environment, means something different for someone from a rural.

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