Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | August 24, 2010

Man terrible, Woman bad or are we all confused

So the argument started out as a debate about who does more wrong.
The passion between the two clashed and then…

She said, “you men don’t have no style. You go around polluting temples and manipulating minds. Sometimes many in the same day.”

Without listening to her words and in true argument fashion he shouted, “NOT all men are terrible!” The frustration had him speaking random thoughts with the illusion of making sense. He continued, “Men are hunters by nature so some explore…” He paused, she looked at him confused. Then he said “but when a woman opens up her space the result is not the same. In dark moist places many things can grow.” He laughed after that statement then said “Because that area is more susceptible to bacteria when a woman explores she is risking more. Sister, FDS (Female Deodorant Spray) will not help you. Different chemicals just create a foul odor. But thank you for the warning to stay away. So you think you are protecting yourself? What about skin touching skin? A man don’t cheat for the same reasons. Men are more reactionary whereas women plan over time so the act seems more malicious and calculated.”

She looked at him with eyes that could melt the thickest steal. He smiled as if he said something to keep her quiet. Then she replied as her eyes rolled, “look…I don’t know who you’ve been dating, seeing, living with, using or whatever but more women than men are nesters. Have you ever read the definition of a womanist by Alice Walker? Do you know what makes us unique? Hmmm, Probably not! We are Queens and desire a true King to raise a family with. Yes some women have Queens like some men have Kings but we tend to suffer from the same issues. Regardless of our preferences, most of us feel we deserve a loyal partner. You know, someone we can build a life with. If there is a problem in our relationship why not communicate before stepping out? What about irresponsibly planting seeds you don’t or can’t take care of? Are some men or most men cowards?”

That statement pissed him off. He wanted to reply with a hurtful word but he realized many of the jokes shared with friends about conquest. He took a breath then replied “sister, listen. Like you, many men desire a loyal loving partner. A woman they can build a life with. We men don’t want to question if we are the father of our children. We don’t want to question our relationship or our friendship. We would love to know that the Queen we are with is unique. Someone we can survive different storms with, raise a family with and tell stories to grand children. Once the trust is broken it is hard to rebuild. Now I’m not speaking of fidelity, but I’m speaking of the bond. The glue that allows us to ride the roller coaster of life together. A spirituality that guides us to make choices that are divine in nature. We men know that human beings are capable of imperfections, but how do we live together if we can’t respect each other during the initial stages?”

She looked at him and paused for a second. As she contemplated a come back she realized that she was listening and wanted to communicate. “Brother, I love men. I love when men are at their best. I love their strength and their vulnerability. I think that many of us (men and women) get into situations/relationships with baggage. Mistakes are labeled experience and we embark on a new journey with blinding wisdom. Lessons learned that create walls around our heart to prevent that deep hurt we’ve experienced in the past. With each bad experience or disappointment our walls thicken and rise to heights hard to reach by the most sincere individual. Our ability to love unconditionally diminishes with each confirmation that men and women have trouble truly communicating.”

At this point they both exhaled and realized they had more in common than differences. The shades of gray were more present than the opposites that existed at the beginning of the conversation. They knew that people of varying backgrounds just need to be honest with self. They made small talk then said “Good night.”



  1. I think to myself no ones righteous no not one. Men and women both have issues bcuz we are both human. It seems though at the heart of both these characters is bitterness and unforgiveness. The male character seems in search of perfection and not willing to forgive missteps that occur in every relationship. The walls that a woman creates bcuz of her poor choices in men deny her the oppurtunity to connect with the genuine article. I find that men or women unable to create and maintain healthy platonic relationship will inevitably be bad romantic partners. Why ? Because friendship is the foundation of a great long term relationship. But sadly both men and women given into their flesh never learning to connect on the emotional & spiritual level.

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