Posted by: Reginald Cyntje | October 17, 2010

Turning Point

They say you should wait but many are stubborn…

I was young with a little bit of knowledge about life that now seems to be less than I remember. She was young as well. We met on the phone. Her friend knew me from high school days. They looked up my info in the phone book, then she called “Hi, I’m…” Her voice was beautiful and I loved the message she left. Plus I was intrigued that she would go through all that trouble to make contact. We were from the same place and had no idea the other existed.

The conversations started and after a while we decided to meet. Where? When? We met outside the local record store. I think I arrived early. When she got there, I was truly surprised to find a beautiful being to go along with the beautiful voice I heard on the phone.

We said hello and the attraction felt mutual. In sweats and a baseball cap she was stunning. Her smile was the first thing I saw when she called my name. We spent the first part of the evening looking for a CD. I think this was my first introduction to the singer/artist. I fell in love twice on one night. We found the CD and decided to hang out some more.

We rode the train back to her place. On the way we talked, laughed and got acquainted. The connection was made.

When we arrived, we were both excited to listen to the CD. The song came on. We looked, smiled and soon we were dancing to what became our song. We were close. I felt her eyes seeing the depth of me as the vocalist explored the nuances of the piece. I loved the way I felt looking into her eyes. As the music carried us away there seemed to be nothing else in the room. A small space for moving but enough for what we were feeling. Then we became us with the touch of our lips. We kissed. The first kiss that began a relationship before its time. We were young.

I left her place amazed that I met her, amazed that we connected, amazed at the passion between us. The energy felt real. When I got home I told my friend all about her. I went on and on about how I tried to maintain my cool. I used as many adjectives as I could find to say she was all I desired. My youth talking, but she really did become all I desired…

Our union led to a lot of firsts. Some were special and others were painful but we grew. There are moments when the freedom to love takes time…premature efforts only end in disaster. We took the premature route and spent our time avoiding or fixing…

I loved her but we were not ready. A love that inspired celibacy also led to holding grudges and malicious actions. A love that inspired weekend escapades led to arguments and miscommunication. A love that had a beautiful beginning turned into moments of hate and frustration. Infidelity plagued our relationship. We both were guilty. Each choice inspiring another. A chain reaction of love and chaos.

Our love became the turning point. The relationship that said “welcome to adulthood.” The opportunity to experiment, love, hurt, misunderstand, be open, be vulnerable and face hypocrisy.

Were we doomed from the first kiss? Should we have kept it light? I wonder what we both sacrificed for each other? I wonder how many were hurt because we were confused? I wonder were we participating in a competition with no winners?

We had really good times and difficult bad times. To love her I had to be open. I’m sure she had to do the same. I spent more time focusing on our drama at the time than my career…

I remember places where we shared beautiful and painful memories. Love created and bruised in the same space. How? Youth? Love style?

When asked now “what would you do different”, I simply reply “nothing.” I’m still learning about life. If I was given the chance, I would tell my younger self to take his time, seek guidance and live vicariously through others. I blatantly ignored advice from elders because I thought I knew. The signs were there but I still did not take heed. My young mind did not fully process the consequences of the choices I was making. If I took my time to love maturely I would have avoided hurting self and others. Was it ego or youth?

They say you should wait but many are stubborn…

I’m stubborn but wiser now. I still make mistakes but I do my best to make each choice better than the last. I’m thankful for the experience of my…

Turning Point

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Responses

  1. Maturity is a virtue!

    A wonderful reflection on young love!! A must read for anyone!


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